Harry Potter the Accidental Overlord
by Gyhy
Summary: Harry unknowingly inspires Luna to create a cult bent on world domination.
1. Chapter 1 Chamber of Lies

Harry Potter the Accidental Overlord

CHAPTER 1: Harry Accidentally Inspires a Cult Following

A/N: First attempt at a multi-chapter fan fiction, begins in Harry's second year during the Chamber of Secrets incident. Also since I see this disclaimer everywhere, even though it seems pointless since I assume that if the actual owner of this or any other book, movie or whatever was actually writing more for the franchise they'd just publish under their own name for money, I don't own Harry Potter or any other published work. I include this disclaimer just in case there was actually something I missed when reading the rules and this is actually necessary.

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_Harry walked on by, thinking that Justin might be using his free time to catch up on some work, and decided to check the library first. _

_A group of the Hufllpuffs who should have been in Herbology were indeed sitting in the back of the library, but they didn't seem to be working. Between the long lines of high bookshelves, Harry could see that their heads were close together and that they were having what looked like an absorbing conversation. He couldn't see whether Justin was among them. He was walking towards them when something of what they were saying met his ears, and he paused to listen, hidden in the Invisibility section. _

_-from _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; Chapter 11

As Harry was going to step out and confront them he paused for a moment and considered this particular course of action. While it might have been momentarily satisfying to see the looks on their faces once they realized that he had heard every single word they had just spouted, in the end it would change nothing.

Standing there in the back of the library, listening as Ernie spread malicious rumors about him, he felt himself growing irritated, both at the Hufflepuffs' lack of situational awareness and their general stupidity at spreading the rumors in the middle of the library where anyone could eavesdrop.

Once again, he briefly contemplated stepping out from behind the bookshelf and confronting the Hufflepuffs, but decided not to waste his time. If the Hufflepuffs were foolish enough to believe he was the heir of Slytherin they would probably not be convinced by his denials.

As he observed yet another instance of the sheep mentality and general gullibility that ran rampant throughout the magical world, a rather mischievous grin spread across his face.

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"Ah, just the men I was looking for!" Harry exclaimed as he spotted the Weasley twins coming out of an abandoned classroom near the Gryffindor common room.

The Twins, turning quickly to see who was calling them, spotted Harry and smiled mischievously before in what was an obviously well practiced swift motion, they threw themselves on the their knees and cried out, "All hail the Heir of Slytherin! All hail the Heir of Slytherin!"

Harry waited patiently while the Twins got it out of their systems before continuing, "How would you lads like to make some galleons?" Whereas the Hufflepuffs' insinuations had irritated him the twins' over the top antics amused him.

Instantly the Twins where on their feet and standing on either side of Harry. "Harry, mate how can we be of assistance?" they chorused together.

Grinning at their exuberance, Harry laid out his proposal. If the Hufflepuffs were going to besmirch his good name, he was going to fight back with all the resources at his disposal. Granted unleashing the Weasley twins on them might be over doing it a little, but as the famous proverb said all's fair in love and war.

"Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that there are villainous elements in this very castle who are slandering my good name. And so I've come seeking aid among my … allies to help me in my endeavors." Harry said with a serious face, fighting back a grin.

Seeing that he had grabbed the Twins' attention, he continued his sales pitch, "It has come to my attention that the Hufflepuff second years have been telling everyone that I am the Heir of Slytherin, never mind that Malfoy is still alive when clearly he would have been my first victim." The Twins nodded solemnly, knowing as they did the animosity that existed between the young Potter and the pompous ponce.

"Since they have clearly declared war on me, and by extension challenged the honor of the Noble House of Gryffindor, I felt it only sporting that I invite the devious masterminds and undisputed prank masters of Hogwarts to participate in this inter-house… struggle." At this point, Harry lost the fight and a rather impish grin spread across his face.

A pair of equally wicked grins spread across the Twins' faces as they realized just what Harry was proposing, "Does our employer have a specific target in mind?"

Matching their grins with one of his own, Harry handed them a small piece of parchment with a list of names on it. At the very top was Ernie MacMillan's name, followed by a few Hufflepuffs that had been exceedingly persistent in spreading the rumors.

"If you can pin the title of Heir on Ernie I'll pay you ten galleons. If you include his collaborators I'll pay you an additional eight sickles per head."

Quickly reading through the list Fred noticed a pair of names at the bottom of the list that didn't fit with the rest of the names, "What's this bit here at the end about the Malfoy twit and that overgrown bat, Snape?"

Grinning even wider Harry replied, "Well if I'm hiring you fine gentlemen to defend the honor of House Gryffindor I cannot in good consciousness ignore the slimy snakes now can I? So if after you've beaten those uppity Hufflepuffs, if you manage to prank either Malfoy or Snape in a spectacular fashion I'll pay you seven galleons for each of them. Just to cover expenses, you understand?"

Looking affronted George said, "_IF we manage? _Brother mine, I think we've just been insulted!"

"Think of it as a … challenge my dear sirs." Harry explained hurriedly knowing full well just how quickly the twins retaliated against challenges to their pranking mastery.

"Prank the Slytherins without getting caught and implicate the enemies of our beloved house and I'll pay you." After all the challenge wasn't in the execution of the pranks but in directing retaliation attempts elsewhere, since the Weasley twins would be the primary suspects in any attack on the serpent house.

Grin still firmly in place, Harry continued, "Impress me, and I might just be willing to finance future plots and pranks."

One Twin laughed, "Harry, old boy, I think that this is the start-"

"-of a beautiful partnership," finished the other. Harry had given up tell the twins apart after the his first semester. Although he wished he would figure out how they managed to synchronize their sentences so well.

"Oh, if you prank or get Lockhart in trouble I'll double it." Thoughts of that foppish fool having his feathers ruffled brought Harry a large sense of joy.

The twins taking his hand and shaking it vigorously in approval, brought him back out of his pleasant daydreams and reminded him of one last thing he had to do.

"There is one condition though, gentlemen," Harry said rather seriously all previous mirth wiped off his face.

"Name it!" They replied rather quickly, eager to get started and to put their new found funds to use.

"You must promise me that not one word of this, or any future financial aid will _**ever **_reach your mother's ear." Harry said.

Nodding solemnly the twins vowed to keep their new benefactor's identity a secret.

Smiling at their quick acceptance of his terms, Harry handed them a sack of gold as a down payment of their services, and to help them procure supplies.

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What the trio did not realize as they plotted their nefarious deeds was that they were not alone in that lonely forgotten corridor.

A small blonde child had been hiding from mystical beasties behind one of the many suits of armor found throughout Hogwarts. A suit of armor located coincidentally enough, within hearing distance of the trio, and she had heard every last word of their plot.

As the trio moved away from the hallway, the small girl emerged from the shadowy nook and smiled to herself. Unlike most children who would most likely have blurted out their knowledge to their friends, Luna well knew that information was power.

The daughter of a newspaper editor, she had been well educated in the ways and means of propaganda and for the longest time she had been looking for a worthwhile cause to support, and it seemed like she had stumbled on to an especially worthy cause.

Ernest Macmillan was a marked man or her name wasn't Luna Ridiculously-Long-Wizardly-Middle-Name Lovegood. After all it was well known that Ernest Macmillan was being groomed to eventually take over the Hufflepuff Corporation.

And everyone knew that the Hufflepuff Corporation was the shadowy organization that secretly controlled the underground goblin/house-elf wrestling tournaments and was known to fix fights… and no one, absolutely no one ever screwed over a Lovegood and got away with it.

There was absolutely no reason Huffy the Club Footed Goblin should have lost that last match against Hooky the Super Cleaner elf.

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A few days later as Harry returned to the common room, he received news that Justin Finch-Fletchley had been attacked alongside Nearly Headless Nick.

"I wonder if it's too late to call off the Twins or switch targets," he mused to himself, seeing that it would be almost impossible to blame Macmillan. Well he had challenged the Twins; surely they would come up with something.

Harry had no idea just what he had unleashed upon the poor unprepared Hufflepuffs.

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**_Abandoned Classroom on the Third-Floor corridor on the Right-Hand Side: formerly known as Fluffy's Lair _**

"We are gathered here today to—"

"Come on Luna hurry it up! I still need to pack." a small red headed girl sighed.

"Fine," huffed the equally small Blonde. "I called you two here to start up the Harry Potter Fan Club, Hogwarts Chapter."

"Isn't there already a fan club?" asked a small mousy boy, a bit confused.

"Yes, but this is a _secret _club." Luna replied.

"Secret? Why secret?" asked Ginny rather suspiciously.

"Well—"Luna attempted to hedge, but Ginny had grown up around the Lovegoods and knew extremely well the signs to look for when a Lovegood was trying to hide something.

"It's not a standard fan club _per se_, think of it more as a support group. Harry Potter has helped all three of us here and I for one believe that he would benefit from having us working from the shadows to aid him in his endeavors."

Ginny and Colin Creevey grinned at each other and nodded, "Why didn't you just say so, Luna, of course we'll join!" exclaimed Colin, happy to aid his idol.

Getting the agreement that she had been looking for Luna pulled a few pieces of parchment from out of thin air.

Handing both Colin and Ginny a set, she said, "Here is our mission statement and agenda for today. Also since we are a secret _shadowy _organization, here is our standard secrecy agreement."

Ginny immediately began reading the documents, knowing from long association with the Lovegood family that you always needed to read whatever they had handed you, or you might find yourself hunting snorkacks in Austria, poor cousin Ignatius had never been quite the same.

"What's this about eldritch horrors, Luna?"

"Oh, you know just standard secrecy agreements it wouldn't be worth much if you could just break it willy-nilly," Luna replied airily.

"E-El-eldritch H-H-horrors?" Colin asked nervously.

"Nothing, to worry about!" Luna said cheerfully, "Just don't break the secrecy agreement and all will be well!"

Knowing full well the futility of trying to change the mind of a Lovegood once it was made up Ginny shrugged and signed the agreement. After all it wasn't like she would ever dare to reveal a secret organization started by a Lovegood, besides who would believe her.

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"Missy Lunie ma'am?" a high pitched voice pipped up from behind Luna as she walked back to the Ravenclaw common room.

"Yes?" she inquired as she glanced down to see who was calling her.

"Cans Dobby bes joining Master Harry Potter sir's secrety club?"

Peering down at him for a minute Luna grinned widely and nodded, "Just sign here, here and here, and don't forget to initial here."

As Dobby the house-elf filled out the forms with her generous help, Luna gleefully rubbed her hands together. The club was growing faster than she had anticipated, it was lucky that no one had yet thought to check for the invisible ink hidden in the fine print. _Soon Daddy and I will have enough people for that expedition to-"_

"Dobby is finished!" the excitable house-elf squealed, interrupting Luna's thought. Shaking his small hand, Luna officially welcomed him to the club.

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As Harry was getting onto the Express, he again heard rumors of Ernie Macmillan committing crimes against nature with all sorts of mythical animals. '_Boy, when the Twins ruin someone's reputation, they really go all out.' _Thought Harry as he search for an empty compartment.

"Did you hear?"

"Yeah Macmillian, that's right, that's what I heard-"

"- Yes, the Hufflepuff, Ernie -"

_Well, surely by next year everyone will have forgotten about it. _Harry thought to himself before shrugging and settling into a compartment at the end of the Express.

It had been a good year for Harry Potter, his reputation had grown, he had managed to save a nutty elf from an abusive home and consequently saved his own life from Dobby's attempts to save his life, and best of all he'd managed to sell the Basilisk parts for a good price without having to share the profits with the Dursleys.


	2. Chapter 2 An Unusual Summer

Harry Potter the Accidental Overlord: Chapter TWO

Summer between Second and Third years Part 1

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Harry's second day back at the Dursleys had begun very unusually. The first day had started off the same as all the other summers he had endured on Private Drive, as soon as he'd stepped in the door his Uncle Vernon had locked his school trunk in the cupboard under the stairs and Aunt Petunia had stuffed a list of chores into his hand.

After he had cooked the Dursleys dinner and washed the dishes he'd gone up stairs and fallen asleep.

That was where all similarities with previous summers had ended. When he had woken up the next morning he'd taken a quick shower and had arrived in the kitchen to find that breakfast had already been cooked, the pots and pans cleaned, and all other gardening chores had likewise been taken care off.

Shrugging Harry had vacated the premises with his entire chores lit already done for him he wasn't going to stick around, if his fairy godmother was going to do the chores for him, he wasn't going to wait for the Dursleys to make up more busy work.

Taking some of the money he had received from the sale of the Basilisk parts he had bought himself a ticket to France; he'd heard wonderful things about their beaches and with the puberty monster having visited him, he was going to take full advantage of his trip.

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"Agents Socks report!"

"Yes, Miss Lunie ma'am!" piped up a squeaky voice from about elbow high. "Harry Potter sir, left Harry Potter sirs' house and got on a big boat to France."

"Excellent, excellent, Agent Socks good work. Agent Mouse report!"

"I wish you'd give me a cooler call sign Luna." A rather mousey looking boy whined.

Hands on hips, Luna shot a glare, with a capitol G, at Colin, "Report Agent _Mouse!" _she growled.

Sighing at the futility of trying to change Luna's mind, Colin began his report, "Agent Socks and I managed to collect enough hair from Harry's hairbrush to polyjuice into him for the next two weeks."

"Yes and Dobby has the polyjuice potion Harry Potter sirs' Grangy made in creepy ghosty girl's bathroom!" Dobby squeaked exited at the thought of helping Harry Potter.

"Excellent, excellent!" Luna rubbed her hands together. "I love it when a plan comes together! Agent Ginger Spice report!"

Sighing exasperatedly at her call sign, Ginny never the less gave her report, "Harry has made plans to visit all the beaches in France… the clothing optional ones included. Also my dad won some gold so we're off to visit Bill in Egypt, and I won't be able to attend the meetings until the last few weeks of summer."

Stroking her fake goatee Luna pondered this new development. In the end she shrugged, and replied rather dreamily, "Have fun Agent Ginger Spice, watch out for nargles they're epically active this time of year in Egypt. Also if you spot any Wrakemongos make sure to bring me a specimen."

The meeting having concluded the various members of Harry Potter's secret fan club dispersed.

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**Wednesday of the second week of summer, **_**The Harry Potter Fan club secret Clubhouse **_

"Agent Mouse report!" Luna demanded imperiously while stroking a very big, bandy-legged, ginger-coloured cat with a squashed head.

"Um… Grandmaster, Special Agent 007, Sky Marshal, of the Power Rangers special branch Luna did you steal Hermione Granger's cat?"

Glancing absently at the majestic cat she was stroking and then looking back at Colin, Luna shrugged. "Agent Lion, Master of Ceremonies, joined us last week." Smiling dreamily Luna continued, "It's in the leadership handbook that all grand leaders must have a cat to stroke while plotting."

Colin squeezed his eyes shut and decided to ignore Crookshanks before something Luna had said stuck a chord.

"Um… Luna what handbook are you reading."

"Hmm?" Luna asked absently. "Oh these handbooks," Luna said pulling two tattered handbooks from between the seat cushions.

_Starting Your Own Evil Organization for World Domination for Dummies_

_Promoting Loyalty and instilling Mindless Tendencies in Your Minions for Dummies. _

Pinching the bridge of his nose Colin, shook his head, "Repress, repress, Luna is not going to conquer the world, repress, repress you did not join an evil organization bent on world domination, repress, repress."

With those disturbing thoughts full suppressed, Colin took a deep breath and letting it out in a sigh, he finally delivered his report. "The Dursleys are facing charges of child endangerment and violation of child labor laws," Colin reported.

"Yes, and Dobby be taking pictures to show the Policy Men the very bad Durselys treating Harry Potter sir bad!" Dobby said happily.

Luna'd had to explain to Dobby very carefully why he couldn't just hurt the Dursleys but in the end he had understood.

Rubbing her hands together Luna smiled beautifully. "_Soon, soon, all my plans will—"_

"Missy Lunie, ma'am!" Dobby squeaked urgently while holding up the Daily Prophet. "Bad Man escape prison!"

"Hmm." Luna pondered. 'Escaped Azkaban prisoner… how to turn this to her advantage, well the club did need a new enforcer, the last one had not turned out very well. Who knew that the Nundu was such a scaredy-cat, come to think of it the eldritch monstrosity had looked a bit shaken after the initiation ceremony.' Luna shrugged, 'they just didn't make arcane monsters like they used to.'

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When Harry finally got back from his well-earned vacation, he arrived to a surprising scene. Standing there on Number 4's front lawn was a skinny, pale, and underfed version of himself from earlier in the summer.

He blinked twice, rubbed his eyes, sighed and turned back around and left. "I knew I shouldn't have had that last drink. _Sure_ the worm was supposed to be there, I bet they tell that to all the tourists." He muttered half disgruntled.

"Maybe, I should have withdrawn more money and just stayed in France." Shaking his head Harry remembered the reasons he hadn't just splurged for a longer vacation.

While the Wizarding world didn't keep a tight reign on underage minors' activities, the muggle world did which sharply limited what he could do in the muggle world. And unlike the muggle world, Harry was easily recognized in the Wizarding world which again limited what he could do for fun without being picked up and shipped back under watch.

"Next time I'll need to get some polyjuice potion to take on vacation with me," those casinos had looked like they would be loads of fun, pity they'd had an age limit. "Maybe, I'll visit Spain, next. Those delightful French girls had wonderful things to say about Ibiza, also I probably should not leave my wand behind again."

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Colin had been so shocked by the sudden appearance of his idol that he had frozen, the hedge trimmers clutched tightly in his hands.

"Pisst! Mouse! Pisst!" a high pitched squeak demanded Colin's attention.

"Wha-?" Still half shocked Colin's answer was less than coherent.

"Policy men, are coming!" Dobby told Colin urgently.

Colin slapped his cheeks and shook his head to clear it; the plan was still going forward.

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Harry finally arrived back at the Dursleys later that night, fully awake and aware of his surroundings. He opened the door carefully and quietly snuck up to his room.

He woke up the next morning and found an already cooked breakfast sitting on the table along with an envelope. Taking the letter out he read it while snacking on an expertly butter piece of toast.

_Dear Mr. Potter, _

_ It has come to our attention that the Dursley family is unfit to host such a prestigious individual as yourself and so we have taken the liberty of relocating the Dursleys for the remainder of the summer. Please enjoy the rest of your summer holidays._

_Sincerely, _

_Madam Periwinkle Anonymous Woodbeard _

Next to the letter announcing his freedom from the Dursleys for the rest of the summer, Harry found a copy of the local Surrey paper and the Daily Prophet.

Splashed across the morning edition of the Surrey newspaper was the snarling face of Vernon Dursley as he was hauled out a patrol car, with a head line announcing the arrest of a local Surrey citizen being arrest for a whole host of charges including but not limited to embezzlement, child endangerment, tax evasion, child abuse, and fraud.

The Daily Prophet on the other hand merely had a small article on the third page announcing the arrest of Harry Potter's muggle relative and Harry's limited emancipation.

Harry smiled this was turning out to be the best summer he'd ever experienced.

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"Agent Socks, report!"

"Ay, ay Grandmaster, General, Chief Inspector, Missy Lunie, ma'am!" Dobby saluted diligently, dressed in an eye searing tie-dyed, neon colored, shirt with what appeared to be dozens of socks on his feet and ears.

"Dobby reports that Harry Potter sir is home! Dobby made Harry Potter sir breakfast and cleaned!" As Dobby's thoughts began to wander away into ecstasy at having been able to serve his hero he remembered something he vaguely thought might be important.

"Oh! And Dobby spotted this weird dog man watching Harry Potter sir!" Dobby said as he placed an underfed, dirty haired, large black dog in front of Luna.

Momentarily taking a hand away from stoking the ginger bristles of Agent Tiger (formerly known as Agent Lion), Luna causally waved her wand over the dog, who morphed to reveal a man with a gaunt, sunken face, waxy skin, yellow teeth, and long, matted hair.

Looking around startled awake from the forced transformation Sirius Black caught sight of Luna out of the corner of his eye. He stared for a minute, wrapping his mind around the sight of the blonde haired girl, wearing an eye patch and sitting on a large throne while stroking a squashed faced cat

"Lovegood?" he asked in a resign tone.

Luna smiled at being recognized on sight, it was always great when a new vic— subject recognized her authority without her having to tell them.

"Hello Mr. Boardman. Why were you stalking Harry Potter?" she asked dreamily.

Looking indignant Sirius responded, "I was not stalking Harry, I was just checking up on my godson!" He didn't correct the Lovegood on his name since they were notorious for ignoring inconvenient facts, well that and the fact that the story of what happened to the last individual who tried to forcibly correct a Lovegood still sent shudders down his spine.

While he had no problem being considered a mass murderer (really it came with the territory; he'd be hard pressed to find a single Black family member who didn't have blood on his or her hands, most of his cellmates in Azkaban had been family after all) the absolute last thing he wanted was to be considered a pedophile, he well remembered what happened to those guys in the yard during recess.

"Hmm, Luna considered his claim, once again stroking the fake blue goatee that had suddenly appeared on her chin. Nodding to herself, Luna informed the escaped prisoner, "Daddy always said you were innocent, he thinks it part of the Rotfang conspiracy."

Eyeing the man speculatively, Luna leaned forward, automatically adjusting the lighting so that the top half of her face was covered in shadows in a sinister manner, she eagerly asked him, "How would you like to come work for me, Mr. Boardman?"

XXXoooooXXX

Author's note: I'd like to thank Slytherin66 for his ideas which helped me to write this chapter faster. Also thanks to everyone else who reviewed the first chapter for the encouraging reviews. Any suggestions are welcomed, while I have an outline I'm working from it's very flexible at the moment.

Also I'm going to ignore all mention of blood wards since they seem utterly useless to me except for that one and only instance where Voldemort tried to physically show up at Harry's house.


	3. Chapter 3 The Fan Club Expands

CHAPTER THREE: The Cult Expands

While this is the longest chapter I've written so far, it doesn't really have much to do with Harry, this year will focus primarily on Luna and the expansion of the _Fan Club_, next chapter will focus more on Harry and his interaction with the _Fan Club… _also if anyone has a suggestion as to what to call Luna's Evil Organization that would be great… if you can work it into an Acronym that would be ever better.

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Harry'd had an amazing summer, with the Dursleys out of the house he'd had the place to himself and as much freedom as he could ever want.

And best of all the mysteriously cooked meals had continued all summer, although he had been getting different socks out of the dryer every time he'd done laundry instead of his normal socks. He couldn't really decide if that was a good thing or not, on one hand he'd gotten rid of Duddly's horribly oversized old socks but on the other he no longer had any matching pairs.

Figuring he'd call it even, Harry had paid it no mind and took advantage of the Dursleys' absence to get to know some of the neighborhood teens who were suddenly friendlier with him now that the Dursleys weren't around to chase them off.

He'd found out that he had a reputation as a bad boy. For the first time ever he'd felt grateful to the Dursleys, their constant attempts to ruin his image in the neighborhood had made him insanely popular with members of the opposite gender. He might not have appreciated that previously but ever he'd begun to notice towards the end of the previous semester that girls were very… interesting.

He'd also made several trips to the Wizarding world once even visiting the Daily Prophet were he'd met a reporter named Rita Skeeter. A woman who had blonde hair set in elaborate curls that contrasted oddly with her heavy-jawed face

The interview that followed had been very strange. It had started with him barely being able to get a word in edgewise, but about halfway through the interview Rita had been called out into the corridor. When she'd returned she'd looked a bit disheveled, and there had been a strange gleam in her eyes but her personality had become much friendlier. The Quick-quote quills had disappeared and her interview had become more like an interview as opposed to the interrogation he had endured previously.

He never did find out what had caused the extreme change in behavior but chalked it up to one of those bizarre things that you had to grow in the Wizarding world to understand.

He'd met up with Ron and Hermione during his last trip to Diagon Alley right before school began and learned from Ron that Scabbers had gone missing, however he now seemed to be the proud new owner of a neurotic mini owl. Hermione had a new animal companion as well, proudly displaying a large ginger feline, but he did catch her muttering darkly about feline stealing blondes.

Both of his friends had complemented him on his new tan, and on looking healthier. Shrugging Harry had quickly turned their attentions elsewhere. He wasn't about to reveal his summer activities figuring that Ron would most likely become a jealous prat over it, and that Hermione would either scold him for some of his activities in France or quiz him over his experience in a foreign country, neither activity was appealing to him.

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_**Secret Auxiliary Fan Club Meeting Place**_**:** **AKA unused classroom**

"Minion 47 report!" Luna barked out commandingly.

"I think I preferred, Agent Mouse." Colin muttered sadly. "Then again what have I done with my life lately, I wonder if the Glorious Leader need anything? Perhaps she needs a foot rub or her pillow fluffed? Maybe I should get a buzz cut and buy a faceless mask to wear to meetings, or mayb—"

"Minion 47 report!" Luna's voice interrupted Colin's ramblings, ever since she'd started playing those nice motivational CDs, that someone had kindly included with the handbooks she had bought when she began her quest for world domination, her minions had been acting more obediently but more easily distracted. Pondering this silently Luna decided subliminal messaging was a bunch of hooky and that the nice motivational CDs were clearly only playing relaxation music.

"Minion 47 reporting, O' Glorious Leader Ma'am!" Colin saluted smartly. "Grand Overlord Harry Potter has arrived safely at Hogwarts, but there was an incident on the Express with a Dementor. Agent Ginger Spice was present at the time and can better elaborate on the situation." Having finished his report Minion 47 clicked his heels together, about faced and marched to the wall and stood against it smartly.

'Hmm maybe the CDs should be stopped while numbers were still low.' Luna thought for a brief moment before dismissing the thought as the work of rival factions, after all the sense of power and over whelming might that she experienced when ordering her minions to build doomsday devises and create elaborate death traps couldn't be wrong.

Dismissing those thoughts, Luna turned to Ginny, "Agent Ginger Spice report!"

Sighing once again at the call sign assigned to her Ginny began her report, "Harry had an extreme reaction to the Dementor's presence. However, the Dementor did enter our compartment and came fairly close to Harry." She admitted.

Placing her fingers together to create a triangular point on which to rest her chin while she contemplated these developments, like the handbooks suggested, she turned to the final agent in the room, "Report, Agent Liger" [formerly known as Agent Tiger, formerly – formerly known as Agent Lion].

"Meow! Meow, meow!" With a firm shake of his tail, Agent Liger completed his report with a sniff.

"I see, I see, interesting. Thank you for that most informative report Agent Liger." Luna rewarded her best Agent with a scratch between the ears.

So the Dementors might have a huge romantic crush on Harry Potter, and may or may not be on the payroll of the Hufflepuff Corporation. What to do with this information.

She slipped into her contemplation stance Number 2, stroking Crookshanks' fur while staring of into the distance with a look that proclaimed that she was contemplating the mysteries of the universe.

'Well if the Hufflepuff Corporation was going to attempt to interfere in her affairs, she was going to show them why no one ever messed with the Lovegood Clan.

"Agent 47 have Chief Enforcer Boardman approach the Dementors with an offer of membership!" After all the organization was always in need of new arcane monstrosities, the last few hadn't worked out as well as expected. It had also been harder to recruit new ones lately; it seemed that the Nundu had been telling tales out of school. "Also remember to remind me that I need to come up with a new call sign for Chief Enforcer Boardman!"

"Oh, and have someone hunt down Missy and gently remind her that she signed a nondisclosure agreement with her right forepaw." Luna took a moment to practice her evil laugh; after all there was _only_ one way to remind a former agent of the agreements signed, and Mr. Eldritch Monstrosity had been looking a bit peckish lately.

With the Dementor problem taken care of, she could now focus on the Badger problem. Unlike the other three houses suborning one of the Hufflepuffs would be a mildly challenging endeavor, but nothing a little good ol' fashion Lovegood charm couldn't solve.

Suddenly there was a loud pop.

"Missy Glorious Exalted Leader Lunie ma'am! Harry Potter's Grangy is coming! She bes on the warpath, Dobby thinks she's looking for Lord Fuzzy Bottom!"

Swiftly coming to alert, Luna rapidly issued orders, "Assume combat positions! Protocol Alpha Distraction!"

"LUNA _RIDICULUSLY-LONG-WIZARDLY-MIDDLE-NAME _LOVEGOOD! DID YOU STEAL CROOKSH—"

"Hermione thank goodness you're here! Can you help us with this homework problem that we are having trouble with, and that is hopelessly above our level?" Ginny interrupted Hermione before she could build up anymore steam. Using the dreaded puppy dog glance was just overkill, since waving a homework problem under Hermione's nose was like waving a red flag in front of a charging bull.

Crookshanks took advantage of that distraction to slip out of Luna's [she of the amazing back rubs] lap and wrapped his body around Hermione's ankles. Absent mindedly Hermione reached down and picked Crookshanks up.

Crookshanks sighed, crises avoided. As much as he loved his human, she could be so troublesome at times. She just didn't understand that a majestic creature such as himself simply could not be kept penned up. She just couldn't understand his life in the shadows, taking down the _Man _one corrupt government entity at a time.

Luna also sighed, as much as she could easily recruit Hermione; she simply wasn't ready to accept the enlightenment that the Lovegoods could and would provide her with. Luna wouldn't be give up however, sooner or later Hermione Jane Granger would be inducted into the _Fan Club_ but until then Luna would have to tiptoe around her, it wouldn't do to carelessly drive the poor girl mad, not when Harry clearly relied on her. And in any case madness was a gift that should not be given out willy-nilly.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Harry, do you ever get the feeling that we're being watched?"

Looking up from the essay he'd been writing Harry turned to look at his bushy haired best friend. "Don't be silly Hermione; it's just Crookshank, its nothing to worry about."

Looking down Harry's smiled at Crookshanks' attempts to stealthily approach Hermione's book bag. Hermione really should find a better hiding spot for her cat treats.

**Crookshank's, Agent Lion's, Agent Tiger's****, Agent Liger's Log: **

_Day 13: Subjects still suspect nothing. Note to self- the uppity house pest [She Who Is Known as Norris Frumpy Pants] is getting too big for her britches again, twice in recent days I've spotted her near my human. _

_Day 15: My human still seems oblivious to my extra-curricular endeavors; however the primary subject appears to suspect something, will need to take extra steps to appear harmless…_

_Day 15 addendum: Efforts to be seen as a harmless fur ball succeeded in eliciting bell rubs from primary subject, will need to continue efforts in order to __get more belly scratches__ keep up harmless appearances… note to self-will need to edit report before submitting it to Leader; the Glorious Leader tends to be jealous of her minions… may need to her appease with pudding. _

_P.S. WHAT IS this Pudding, the humans speak of? Is it a new secret doomsday weapon? Why does Glorious Leader call out for 'more pudding' in her sleep? Will need to investigate this strange phenomenon further. _

_Day 18: Primary Subject seems to now be fully aware of espionage efforts; received scratches between auditory sensors… suspect efforts to subvert me. _

_Day 20: Resistances seems futile, if this mission log is recovered by my allies please inform my beloved Molly that I loved her! _

_Day 23: Have managed to escape. Suspect double agent involvement. Will need long time to recover from Catnip addiction and conditioning efforts… Primary Subject was especially ingenious by subverting my human into helping him… but I proved the stronger Tom, back rubs and head scratches will not break me!_

_Day 25: I have now fully recovered from my ordeal. Looking back on that time in captivity, I feel like I came out the stronger for having had to endure that ordeal. A lesser animal may have fallen. _

_Side note- Primary Subject has set his familiar on my scent… that apex hunt known only as Hedwig has been relentless in hunting me. I fear for the survival of the _Fan Club _should I be captured. I will need to warn the Glorious Leader to take precautions. _

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Luna, have you been feeding Crooks— I mean Agent Tigor [Formerly known as Agent Liger, Tiger, Lion, etc.] mind altering drugs again?"

"Hmmm?"

"Luna." Ginny said while mimicking the firm tone her mother used when she caught Fred and George misbehaving.

"Um… no?"

"Luna _Ridiculously-Long-Wizardly-Middle-Name_ Lovegood."

"Oooh! She used the Glorious Leader's middle name!"

"Someone's in trouuuble!"

Pausing her interrogation of Luna, Ginny turned her stern gaze onto the peanut gallery, "Do you have something to say minions?"

Whistling immediately broke out among the ranks as the minions suddenly found the floor, ceiling, and walls extremely interesting.

Satisfied at having cowed the peanut gallery, Ginny once again turned her gaze back to Luna. But Luna wasn't a Lovegood for no reason, while Ginny had been distracted; she had affected her own escape. On the large wooden throne there was now a large sock puppet holding a sign that read, _Out to Lunch, Be Back When Pudding Runs Out. _

Growling, Ginny stormed out of the throne room, she had a best friend to interrogate. Poor Crookshanks had been acting weird enough lately that even the chronically oblivious Hermione had noticed something was wrong.

As one, the minions breathed a sigh of relief. Agent Ginger Spice had become a real ball buster lately. Agent 56 still hadn't recovered from what she had done to him after he accidently left Doomsday Device Alpha-Miner-Duet-Pancake on overnight who knew that the Chudley Cannons winning a Quidditch match would have such a large impact on world affairs.

Then again Major Annoyance Weasel had been insufferable lately.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stains of dishonour, filthy half-breeds, blood traitors, children of filth!" Mrs. Black continued to shout insults at her son and at anyone and everyone else who happened to enter Grimmauld Place.

"Hem, hem."

Walburga Black's insults trailed off as she noticed for the first time a small blonde girl standing innocently in the entry way.

Eyes wide Mrs. Black politely inquired, "Madam Lovegood, what can the Black family do for you?" Mrs. Black nervously adjusted the wrinkles in her dress, after all the Blacks might have been mass murders but no one ever messed with the Lovegoods.

There were rumors that it hadn't been Dumbledore who had brought Gellert Grindelwald down, but that the Mad Scientist Armando _To-Many-Bloody-Middle-Names_ Lovegood had gotten irritated with the former Dark Lord killing off all his best test subjects and shown Grindelwald his displeasure.

They were only rumors because Albus Dumbledore refused to speak of what had occurred in Grindelwald's fortress, and Grindelwald had been a raving lunatic ever since.

The _Powers-That-Be_ had told the general public that they'd locked him in Nurmengard so that he could experience what he had forced his prisoners to experience but the truth was they just couldn't bring themselves to kill the man after what Lovegood had done to the poor bastard. Also they'd been dead scared that Armando Lovegood would be upset if they interfered in one of his experiments.

"Madam Black, the Lovegood Clan wishes to borrow your townhouse for a while." Luna graciously informed the decrepit painting, after all the Lovegoods might be nutty but no one could ever say they weren't polite. "Oh, and we'll be borrowing Kreacher as well."

"Kreacher!" screeched Walburga Black, summoning her servant.

A loud pop herald the arrival of an old house-elf with a bulbous, snout-like nose, bloodshot eyes, many folds of skin, and white hair growing out of his bat-like ears.

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Listen to the nice Lovegood girl, Kreacher, you belong to her now." Walburga shrieked over her shoulder as she fled her painting and the country. A Lovegood plotting on the island was a good reason to leave said island.

"Excellent, excellent my p—"

"Does, my new mistress, have an orders?" Kreacher asked politely interrupting Luna's train of thought; even he knew one did not mess with a Lovegood or let a Lovegood plot to long.

"Hmm, oh, yes. Tie these two girls up, bring them to Grimmauld Place and put them in the Library." Luna told him absently as she handed him the picture of two young girls.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Susan voice called out in the dark.

"Susan, I'm scared!"

"Don't worry Hannah, Aunt Amelia will rescue us, and she'll probably bring the entire Hufflepuff Corporation's armed guard with her."

Suddenly a bright light was turned on and shined directly onto the two girls, obscuring the third individual in room in even darker shadows. The light reveal the two third year Hufflepuff females tied to chairs placed in front of a metal table as seen in muggle motion pictures police interrogation rooms.

Susan _Hidden-Middle-Name_ Bones, Hannah _Unknown-Middle-Name_ Abbot you stand before the _Fan Club. _

"Um... we're siting."

"Shhhh! Hannah, can't you see we're being interrogated by a Lovegood!" Susan was quick to interrupt her best friend hoping to keep her ignorant friend alive.

"My apologies Madam Lovegood, my companion was raised primarily in the muggle world and is unaware of proper procedure for situations like these. She didn't mean to correct a Lovegood!"

Luna graciously accepted the apology, and continued on as if she hadn't been interrupted.

"You stand before the _**Fan Club**_," suddenly the lights were turned on and Luna's smiling face loomed close, "how would you two like to join?"

"Um… wha—"

Susan managed to get a hand loose in time to place her hand over Hannah's mouth in order to prevent another outburst from her best friend. "We'd be delighted to, Madam Lovegood. Might we discuss where in the hierarchy we might be placed in?"

Luna beamed; it was always great dealing with professionals.

The Badgers had learned their history well, after the Griffindor Consortium and the Ravenclaw Imperium had both been destroyed after they'd tangled with the Lovegood Clan, she'd feared for the last remaining Founder's legacy.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

As they walked down a deserted corridor in Hogwarts on their way to the Hufflepuff Common room, Hannah was finally able to corner Susan.

"Susan, why did you agree to join up with Lovegood's Evil Orgainziation?!" Hannah demanded.

Sighing Susan turned on her best friend. "Hannah have you not studied your history? After what happened to the Griffins and the Ravens no Badger would challenge a Lovegood. Loyalty is all well and good but not when you attempt to challenge a force of nature."

Puzzled Hannah asked, "What happened?" She didn't think anyone had spoken to her about the Griffindors or the Ravenclaws ever having had a shadowy organization.

"Unspeakable things, Hannah, unspeakable thing!" Susan said urgently trying to get her point across to her friend, going so far as to place her hands on Hannah's shoulders and shaking her.

"As McGonagall someday. "Pausing for a moment Susan added, "Probably would be a good idea to have plenty of whiskey and scotch on hand as well, when you do."

Seeing that she'd managed to teach her friend the lesson that every wizarding child learned as soon as they could speak, Susan began once again walking toward the common room.

As they walked Hannah was hit by a random thought. "Why did you mention the downfall of the Griffins and Ravens, and say that the Badgers were all that's left? What happened to the Snakes? Surely if anyone was going to have a shadowy organization it'd be the House of the Cunning!"

Susan smiled indulgingly; it was always amusing when the uninitiated bought into the propaganda the other three houses spread. Shaking her head she tried to enlighten her friend.

"Hannah we tell everyone that the Snakes are cunning so that they won't pay attention to the rest of us. The very _last _place anyone that's really cunning and ambitious wants to end up is Slytherin, that's the first place anyone looking to uncover an evil organization looks."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Cedric!"

Cedric Diggory turned to see who had called his name, just in time to catch a notebook that was tossed at him. Pulling a mildly annoyed expression onto his face Cedric turned back in the direction that he'd been traveling while discreetly putting the note he'd been secretly passed into his pocket.

He'd been a member of the Hufflepuff Corporate Hogwarts branch hierarchy for long enough to know that the message was a call to a meeting that night without having to read it.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

**Secret Honey Badger Den under the Hufflepuff Common Room**

"Order, order, the meeting is now in session." called the current C.E.O. "This meeting has been called to discuss the growing rumors of a Lovegood plot centered around the Potter boy."

Cedric being the youngest member of the hierarchy based in Hogwarts and therefore the closest in age to Harry Potter, stood to give his report. "There have been rumors that Lovegood has managed to subvert members of the entry level Hufflepuff Corporation drones—"

Cedric's voice was drowned out by the members' protests about the impossibility of a Badger ever being suborned by an outside source even a Lovegood. With the general atmosphere being set against even contemplating the idea that a Badger could be turned, Cedric's report was tabled.

_In later years, historians would turn and point to this meeting as the beginning of the end of the absolute power that the Hufflepuff Conglomerate had wielded since the time of the Founders and the only time that the Lovegood-Potter World Government could have been seriously challenged. _

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Harry Potter's third year at Hogwarts had been extremely different from previous years. Unlike the first two years there hadn't been a live threatening event before the exams. Other than that unpleasant encounter with the Dementors at the beginning of the year, nothing had really happened.

Well there had been those strange glances he'd received from his fellow students, mostly from the purebloods and halfbloods, but nothing worth commenting on. Although the Weasley twins had been strangely absent with their pranks. Sure they'd still pranked the other three houses but other than that brief exchange during which they'd handed him a priceless artifact for mischief making called the Marauder's Map they'd avoided him like the plague.

Smiling happily to himself as he boarded the express, Harry nodded; _this is what Hogwarts should be like every year. _

Then he caught a glimpse of something that caused a shudder to run down his spine. While Hogwarts had been strangely safer this year, it had also been disturbing. The Dementors that had once been creatures of unspeakable horror were now all sporting badges that proclaimed them members of _The Fan Club._

While he wasn't quite sure which Fan Club they were members of, their reaction to his overpowered Patronus the one time he'd accidently stumbled into a large group of them at the edge of the Forbidden Forest had been the stuff of nightmares.

He'd been told that a strong corporeal patronus would drive off Dementors but while the Dementors that he'd encountered had fled after a minute or two, during those two minutes they'd shuddered in pure agony, agony so intense that if he didn't know better he could have mistaken it for ecstasy.

Shaking his head to clear it of those thought, he continued his journey onto the Express.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"Agent 47 report!"

"Yes, Master." Agent 47 said with a lisp, for some strange reason he was also hunched over and had a huge sack on his back. "The Grand Overlord had boarded the Express, and has procured his usual compartment."

"Good, good. Secret Agents Abbott and Bones how goes the recruitment?"

"We have turned fully half the third year Badgers, Glorious Leader Lovegood," the girls said in sync. "We expect to be able to turn the rest of the lower years Purebloods and Halfbloods fairly easily; however the muggleborns are showing some signs of resistance, we have had to resort to the motivational CDs in order to encourage them to join."

Luna briefly contemplated this while stroking Agent Saber-tooth, 'well the handbooks did say that you could never have too many elaborate death traps or doomsday devises.' Shrugging she called her favorite agent forward.

"Agent Ginger Spice report … please?"

Sighing at the futility of resistance Ginny began her report. "We have arranged for Harry's family to be gone for the whole summer."

"Meow, Meow!"

Luna glanced down at Crookshanks as he put in his two cents, "So Harry's going to travel abroad this summer as well?"

"Meow." Crookshanks confirmed. Hedwig might be a superior huntress but she couldn't be everywhere at once, and Crookshanks had managed to browbeat Norris Fussy Britches into reporting to him instead of Flitch.

Dobby chose that moment to interrupt, "Missy Glorious Leader Ma'am the Express be leaving in ten minutes!"

Noting the time Luna ended the meeting and sent her minions on their way.

XXXoooooXXX

AUTHOR'S NOTE: As I was writing this chapter I remembered that Hermione didn't get Crookshanks until the end of summer so he couldn't have belonged to her during the Fan Club meetings in the last chapter… but I like the scenes with him in them too much to go back and change them so for this version of reality Crookshanks was planted in Hermione's home by the Fan Club to serve as an inside source into the Golden Trio.

Also I'm not a big fan of Ron, so he won't be playing a large part in this story… I plan to write him out of the Golden Trio by the end of fourth year.

Again thanks to the all the people who have reviewed the story so far. Even the short reviews that tell me you enjoyed the story are greatly appreciated, as a lowly undergrad complements are hard to come by and all are very appreciated... this is not me fishing for complements ...OK maybe it is, please tell me you if you like the story.

Slytherin66 your reviews are awesome! Keep it up please, each one has so far given me more ideas for the story, I appreciate the freed back.


	4. Chapter 4 Harry's Relaxing Summer

CHAPTER FOUR

I realized that I hadn't posted a new chapter in a while, sorry for the delay. Also thanks goes to my those stories I'm following whose lack of updates frustrated me this week and made me pay attention to the fact that I hadn't updated my own story. :D

XXXXXXXXXXX

Fear, heart stopping, stroke inducing fear, he'd lost track of how long he'd been running all he could remember was running through dark and clammy hallways trying to avoid the apex predator that was relentlessly hunting him.

He'd lived a very comfortable life once upon a time, as much food and rest as he could ask for, only being called upon to preform once in a blue moon. And then it had all come crashing down around his ears, the life he'd led for over a decade had ended quite suddenly.

He'd kept his ear to the ground for years so he'd know when to run but by the time he'd seen the warning clues and understood just how dire the situation truly was, it had been too late! The furry devil had him in his claws and he'd been dragged into this living nightmare, chased through this maze by a tireless menace.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Enforcer Boardman, how long are you going to have Wormtail running tonight?"

Turning to face Luna, Sirius grinned. When he'd agreed to work for the Lovegood girl he'd done it out of a strong sense of self preservation.

It was then that Luna had delivered that no good traitorous bastard Wormtail into his hands, and had helped him design tortures designed to break the dirty traitor's spirit. And no one knew insanity better than the Lovegoods, that clan practically lived and breathed insanity.

"Hail, Glorious Leader, I just thought that the Master of Ceremonies, Agent Saber-tooth would like a little exercise today. You know how much he loves to chase good ol' Wormtail."

Sighing at Enforcer Boardman's amateurish antics Luna shook her head sadly. "How can you expect Agent Saber-tooth to enjoy his midnight run if you forget to add the simple basics like the Hellfire illusions?"

Waving her wand, Luna made it appear as if Crookshanks were a fire breathing hell cat as he gleefully chased Wormtail through the ever changing maze she'd designed; while she was spell casting she made sure to cast an anti-heart attack and stroke charm, better safe than torture subject-less.

"I fear for our organization if our chief enforcer can't break a subject in over a year," Luna said pitifully. A sad lonely tear slid down Luna's cheek as she thought about what her poor dearly departed mother would have said about her chief minion's failure to break his prisoner.

Panicking slightly at the thought of having upset his benefactor Sirius rushed to explain. "Forgive me, Oh Glorious Leader!" he cried out. "I was having so much fun torturing ol' Wormtail that I didn't wish to break him too early."

Seeing that Luna was still looking quite said Sirius hurriedly blurted out the first excuse he could think of, "I was using him to conduct an experiment to see how long it would take a subject to have a heart attack despite the anti-heart attack charm!"

"Oh." said Luna calmly, than she flashed him a bright smile and exclaimed happily, "Why didn't you say so before Chief Enforcer Boardman, if it's for an experiment by all means carry on." Giggling happily to herself, Luna wandered off, no longer worried about the competency of her chief minion.

Sirius breathed a deep sigh of relief.

"Meow!" The Master of Ceremonies said, getting Sirius' attention as he leaped out of the maze having driving Wormtail into a fear induced coma for the night.

Turning back Sirius noted time and remarked enthusiastically, "A new record, Agent Saber-tooth, great job!" before taking a picture of Wormtail passed out on his back, with white froth bubbling out of the corners of his mouth.

"Meow, meow!" Crookshanks declared.

"Agent Pink Panther? Another name change Crooks? You're going to run out of felines to call yourself if keep changing your call sign every meeting." Which reminded him; as long as he was changing Crookshanks' call sign, he should submit the paperwork for his own new call sign. He was getting tired of being known as Stubby Boardman, that lame name just wasn't him.

Writing down Crookshanks demand for a new call sign, Sirius put down a request for his own name change. Then paperwork done for the night, Sirius clocked out.

For all that the Happy_ [Harry's Advanced Progressive Program for Youths]_ Organization was a secret evil Fan Club; it had a very strike workers code. No more than eight hours of official work time could be logged by upper level minions or agents per twenty-four hour period, time cards had to be submitted by six on Friday, and if there was only one pudding cup left it stayed left.

As bad as violating the first two rules was, it was nothing compared to violating the third rule, ruthless and hardened criminals had been known to weep at the thought of violating the third rule.

Violators of the first two rules could find themselves demoted to mindless expendable minion levels or even worse the Red-Shirt level. Violators of the last rule however were never heard from again. The one minion that had violated that rule had vanished without a trace; the few brave souls that had asked Mr. Monstrosity had not received any answers either. That fact alone had frightened the minions even more than normal given that Mr. Monstrosity was the one who was traditionally responsible for membership 'exit interviews.'

XXXXXXXXXXX

Arriving back at Private Drive after having experienced the best year yet at Hogwarts, Harry was a bit hesitant. The previous summer had been the best of his life but surely the Drusley family wouldn't stay away for two summers in a row. Opening the front door slowly Harry finally entered the house.

And found to his great relief that once again the dream that he'd lived the previous summer was going to continue. Hanging from the coat rack was a big blue envelope. With trembling fingers Harry proceeded to open it.

_Dear Mr. Potter, _

_It has come to our attention that Dursley family has found itself convicted of involvement in criminal activities and we have concluded that they are once again unfit to host you during this summer as such we have once again relocated them from the area for the remained of the summer like the previous summer. We hope you have an enjoyable summer. _

_Sincerely, _

_Madam Periwinkle Anonymous Woodbeard _

_Madam Periwinkle Anonymous Woodbeard _

_P.S. We noticed that you took a trip to France last summer and knowing what an upstanding member of society you are we can only conclude that it must have been for educational purposes as such we would like to make you aware of a scholarship opportunity for a free trip to the Balearic Islands off the eastern coast of Spain. _

Having read the note twice to make sure he wasn't hallucinating Harry whooped for joy. Reading the letter once again Harry noticed a separate smaller envelope attached to the letter. Opening it he quickly read the small note it contained alongside a strange pin that had the word H.A.P.P.Y written on it.

_This is a round trip portkey to the Balearic Islands, to activate simply say, "the Crumple-Horned Snorkack is in Sweeden" to return say, "Blibbering Humdingers are a menace." _

Harry's grin threatened to split his face into two; the Balearic Islands were a well-known muggle tourist destination. Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth Harry immediately began making plans for departure.

This time he'd make sure he had his wand and cloak with him, he'd been somewhat chagrined when he'd realized that he'd forgotten them in his school trunk the last time he'd gone on vacation. If it hadn't been for those very helpful French witches he'd met on the beach, his vacation might have ended before it had even begun, but as it was he'd learned a new language and had even learned a new method of kissing he'd previously only heard rumors about, from those same extremely helpful French ladies.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Agents Socks and Igor report!"

"Yes, Glorious Leader missy Lunie ma'am!" squeaked Dobby eager to give his report first.

"Mr. Harry Potter sir was escorted out of the muggle gaming place last night! Theys say Master Harry Potter sir is too lucky to stay, and theys suggested a nice casino down the street! Theys bes so helpful Dobby cleaned up their special metal room."

Dobby reached into his special pocket and pulled out two burlap sacks with cartoonish American Dollar signs posted on them. "Dobby not be knowing whats to do with these green papers, they bes too thin to use!"

"Glorious Leader, Mistress Lovegood ma'am," Kreacher interrupted his colleague's ramblings, in a surprisingly sane sounding voice. While it was all well and good to act insane when he had been serving the House of Black, serving House Lovegood while acting insane was a good way to actually be driven insane and Kreacher's momma didn't raise no fool.

"Lord Potter has spent the last few months reveling in his new found independence. He has visited each of the Balearic Islands but has seemingly settled on Ibiza as his permanent base of operations."

Luna contemplated this while stroking Agent Jaguar's fur. 'Maybe it was time that she pay the tropical islands a visit, after all it wouldn't do to let Harry get to attached to the tropical paradise before he could fulfill her drea— that is to say before he could realize his full potential.'

"LUNA!" Ginny shouted as she ran into the underground base. "Luna, mother sent Harry a letter through the muggle post system!" Ginny took a moment to catch her breath, as soon as she'd heard that her mother had sent the letter she'd dashed out to Luna's _secret lair_. "Is Harry still in Spain?"

Luna glanced absently at her friend before turning back to her absolutely important task. She only need a few more sentences before the article would be ready for publication.

"Luna, are you paying attention to me!" Ginny demanded. "Harry needs to get that letter, if he's not in Surrey anymore..."

"Don't worry Gin-gin; Agent Talons will deliver the letter." Luna told her worrywart of a friend. They'd been friends since they could walk but sometimes she just couldn't understand her dear friend, she was too high strung sometimes, and worried about the weirdest things.

"It took some doing but we finally convinced _Her Owlness_ that we only have the best interests of her human in mind, we also managed to negotiate her down on her salary to about three fourths of her original demand."

Hedwig had been quite firm in her demands for bacon but Luna was a Lovegood and she'd finally talked the avian down. The amount was enough to establish Hedwig's superiority in the Hogwarts owl social circle but not enough for the black market to be flooded and the price and significance of bacon to decrease.

As if by mentioning her very name she'd been summoned, Hedwig flew in with an envelope covered in stamps. Taking a hand away from stroking the Master of Ceremonies' fur Luna offered the majestic avian a scratch of her own and a plate of bacon.

Hedwig considered the blonde furred human's offer for a moment before consenting to permit the human the privilege of stroking her feathers.

"Hedwig, would you please deliver the letter to Harry." Ginny asked the beautiful snowy owl.

Hedwig huffed, as if she would ever not deliver a letter to her human. Really she didn't understand why the golden furred human associated with the fiery haired spotted girl, who did she think she was insulting Hedwig's integrity. Pecking the girl, Hedwig glared at her for a moment to make sure her message had gotten across to the girl, before taking one last bite of the bacon on Luna's palate and then took flight.

"I think you insulted her, Agent Ginger Spice." Luna said dreamily already planning out her next article.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Harry was relaxing in his comp'd hotel room, after a very hot win streak. He'd been politely walked out of the third casino the day before, when the casino had finally given up attempting to catch him cheating. Not that he'd actually been cheating, his bizarre luck that normally saw him walking into death traps on a yearly basses had decided to offset his trouble magnetism with insanely good gambling luck.

Harry's summer had started good and had just kept improving. He'd discovered much to his surprise that the underage restriction on magic only applied in the country that issued it. So instead of spending his _hard _earned money buying more polyjuice potion, he'd used a simple glamour charm to appear older. He'd learned new foreign languages explored foreign tongues and partied like there was no tomorrow.

And now his best friend had just delivered his best ever early birthday present. Sitting in his lap was an envelope covered end to end in stamps with just a small spot in the corner exempt from the coverage where Mrs. Weasley had written in his address.

He'd rewarded his hard working friend with a trip to local owl emporium where he'd purchased every and any toy that she'd decided her feathered heart desired… including a visit with a large tropical bad boy looking owl. Harry blocked that encounter from his conscious mind. As much as he loved his winged friend he had no desire to know the details of her love life.

After Hedwig had been amply rewarded he'd sent her with a reply to the Weasleys' invitation and informed them that he'd meet them at the burrow, no sense in letting them visit Private Drive only to realize the Dursleys were absent and that Harry hadn't spent time there since the beginning of the summer.

Harry packed his bags; he had a Quidditch World Cup to attend.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Arriving at the campsite, Harry felt faintly alarmed. _Two tents for all of them? _Then he stepped inside and was amazed at the ingenuity that had gone into its construction, it was bigger on the inside!

_Maybe the Doctor was a wizard. It would certainly explain his… eclectic dress style, as well as his electronic screwdriver which seemed to have an infinite amount of uses. Hmmm he'd have to see about getting his own hands on a TARDIS someday. _

"Harry!" Hermione's voice broke into his daydreaming.

"Wha—?"

"Honestly Harry, will you please move." Hermione said exasperatedly, it had taken a few minutes to break Harry out of his woolgathering. As soon as Harry moved out of the entry way, Ron rushed past them and into the bedroom to claim his bunk. Hermione rolled her eyes, that boy only thought of sleep and food.

Breaking out of her own woolgathering, Hermione turned to her friend, and took stock of his appearance. While they'd talked briefly at the Burrow, she hadn't had time to talk to her first friend one on one. He looked very… healthy, with a nice tan and unlike the first two years at Hogwarts Harry did not look underfed or sickly following his stay in Surrey.

"Did you have a nice summer, Harry?" Hermione asked inquisitively.

Turning away from his inspection of the tent, Harry faced Hermione, he grinned, "I had an excellent summer, how was yours? Did you finish all your homework the first week?" Harry asked her, knowing full well that asking about homework, while painful would do a marvelous job of distract her.

He'd succeeded in deflecting all questions about his summer activities the pervious summer and he had no intention of failing this summer. He had no illusions about what Hermione's reaction would be to the underage magic, gambling and other various activities he'd engaged in that summer.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Luna wandered the paths through the Quidditch camp, while pondering what her next move. With Agents Jaguar and Talons spying on Harry, she was free to pursue other activities. That's when she spotted the Salem Witches camp.

_Excellent, new recruits! _Luna thought excitedly as she skipped towards her new vic— recruits.

_Historians would later trace the global spread of HAPPY to that Quidditch World Cup congregation of foreign witches and wizards. It was shortly after summer that the HAPPY Fan Club opened its first international chapters. _

XXXXXXXXXXX

As Harry moved through the camp ground with Hermione and Ron, he was ambushed from behind. Startled Harry turned and was treated to a sight he'd never thought to see again, his French beach buddy was there.

Smiling happily he exchanged greetings and politely asked about her summer. He also made discreet inquiries into the possibility of sneaking away for a… refresher course in the fine French arts.

Harry waved at his friend as she rushed away after an older woman who looked like her mother called her back to her tent.

It was at this point that Harry noticed the gob smacked expressions on his friends' faces. He smiled sheepishly as he realized that he may have just blown his secret summer excursions.

"Um… Harry mate when'd you meet a French bird?" Ron asked half jealously half disbelieving.

"Well…" Harry found himself at a loss of how to explain his connection to the lovely French girl without compromising his freedom.

Luckily Hermione's intense and voracious appetite for knowledge easily helped him lose Ron's attention.

"Harry when did you learn French? Did you take a correspondence course? I took French in school but I haven't had time to keep up with my studies. Is that how you met Brigitte? How long have you known French? Can you teach me how to speak French?"

A grin spread across Harry's face as Hermione finally took a breath between her questions. In the end he was able to avoid answering the other questions by promising to help Hermione to learn French; he may have intentionally forgotten to mention the spell that had taught him the language.

If his travels had taught him anything it was that if you had control of a resource you did your best to keep control of it.

XXX00000XXX

Sorry for the delay, I got caught up in reading a really funny Naruto Fanfiction that spanned over sixty chapters and unfortunately it distracted me. Also final exams are this week for me… but mostly it was the Naruto stories that distracted me.

I am a big fan of Doctor Who, however I think Harry's quest to get his hands on a TARDIS will sadly go unfulfilled.


	5. Chapter 5 The Quidditch World Cup

Chapter 5: Stories From The Quidditch World Cup Camp Grounds

Posting this chapter faster than expected, but it might be a few weeks before the next chapter is posted due to expected internet connectivity problems in the coming months.

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On their way back to their tents Harry and the gang were ambushed by Seamus Finnigan in the Irish section of the camp ground.

"Like the decorations?" Seamus asked happily, after he'd dragged them to his tent, where they found Dean Thomas and Seamus' mother, "The Ministry's not too happy with them." Happy for an excuse to avoid returning to the Weasley campsite and Mr. Weasley's muggle obsession Harry plopped down next to his roommates.

"Ah, why shouldn't we show our colors?" said Mrs. Finnigan. "You should see what the Bulgarians have got dangling all over their tents. You'll be supporting Ireland, of course?" she added, eyeing them beadily.

Harry agreed amicably, figuring that as long as they were in the Irish section it would be most prudent to agree. "Have you seen the chaser line up?" he asked, "no sane man would bet against them!"

Eyeing the boiling cauldron Harry licked his lips. Breakfast had been a few hours before but that cauldron smelled incredibly good. Ignoring his friends' attempts to subtly hint that they wanted to leave Harry settled in and hoped they'd be good hosts and offer him a bowl of whatever it was they were cooking.

Over the past two summers Harry had become an expert at sweet talking people into taking care of him; apparently he just had a quality about him that brought out the mothering tendencies in older women. Harry smiled and played the helpless orphan and soon enough he had a nice large portion of stew in his hands.

Mrs. Finnigan had been harder to sweet talk then most but by the end of their meeting she'd been mothering him almost as much as Mrs. Weasley did. Harry smiled happily as they walked back to their tents, they encountered others they knew from Hogwarts but after their long stop at the Finnigan camp Ron and Hermione were eager to return and they hurried Harry along before he could do more than greet them.

_While he wasn't able to do more than exchange greetings with his fellow Hogwarts students, Harry's merry attitude changed his public image in the UK. With so many people seeing him smiling and laughing mudslingers would have a harder time running his image in later years. _

"You've been ages," George stated when they'd finally got back to the Weasleys' tents.

"We met a few people," Ron informed his brother as he set down the water; they'd been tasked to get earlier that morning. "Haven't you got the fire started yet?"

"Dad's having fun with the matches, again" sighed Fred exasperatedly. Splintered matches littered the ground around Mr. Weasley, but it looked like he was having the time of his life. After watching him for a bit, Hermione kindly took the box of matches from him and showed him how to properly light a match.

While they were waiting for lunch to cook, Harry was able to observe the many ministry officials that kept hurrying up and down the thoroughfare that ran past their campsite. Mr. Weasley was kind enough to keep a running commentary going throughout the day, mainly for Harry's and Hermione's benefit.

Shortly after the older boys who'd slept at the Burrow apparated into the campsite lunch was served. It was only half way through the meal that Mr. Weasley jumped up and waved a ministry official over to their campsite.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "The man of the moment! Ludo!"

Ludo Bagman was easily the most noticeable person Harry had seen so far, even including the old weirdo they'd seen at the watering hole wearing a flowered nightdress. Ludo was dressed up in his old Quidditch robes, and to Harry's experienced eye he sported the telltale signs of an incompetent gambler.

"Fancy a flutter on the match Arthur?" Ludo said eagerly, jingling what seemed to be a large amount of gold in the pockets of his yellow-and-black robes. "I've already got Roddy Pontner betting me Bulgaria will score first – I offered him nice odds, considering Ireland's front three are the strongest I've seen in years – and little Agatha Timms has put half shares in her eel farm on a weeklong match."

While Ludo tried to talk Mr. Weasley into betting big, Harry's eyes narrowed. Ludo was exhibiting signs that said he was up to something dishonest. Out of the corner of his eye Harry noticed the twins approaching the man eagerly; he shot to his feet and intercepted them before they could lose any money on a dishonest bookie.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"So we're all in agreement?"

"Yes," the group agreed.

"We strike at dawn!" the leader exclaimed fervently.

"What about Bagman?" one of the younger members of the mob asked.

The leader pinned the young goblin with his beady little eye, "Bagman is of lesser importance, we have an opportunity to strike the Love—"

"Strike who?" chippered a silvery eyed blonde cheerfully. As the goblins slowly turned their heads wishing with all their might that they'd misheard, Luna's grin grew wider seeing them grow pale, getting a goblin's face to go bone white was always an accomplishment to be savored.

"Mr. Ironclaw you wouldn't be targeting poor little ol' me, would you?" she asked merrily, knowing full well that the goblins had been plotting against her.

"Madam Lovegood…" Ironclaw gulped audibly, sticking a clawed finger into his collar and pulling on it hoping to loosen the sudden tightness that had gripped it.

Before he could lose his nerve one of the more excitable goblins yelled, "Miss Lovegood, I have a great investment opportunity for you!" Realizing that they wouldn't have any more time to plan out their sales pitches the other goblins began clamoring for her attention.

Luna laughed delightedly, the goblins never changed, for as long as she could remember they'd been plotting various ways to get at the Lovegood fortune. They'd even offered the Lovegoods a free lifetime long high security vault protected by dragons and security trolls.

The Lovegoods had thanked the goblins for their generous offer and had graciously filled it to the brim with chocolate frogs and their secondary sock collection. One could never be too safe with one's back up collections, just look at what had happened to the poor lad Alexander while he'd set up lots of back up cities he'd neglected to set a secondary Great Library. Why if it hadn't been for the Lovegoods the poor lad would have lost his entire collection of sheep, human, and other assorted parchments some of which had actually been valuable.

XXXXXXXXXX

Harry eagerly waited for the match to begin. Sitting up in the top box of the stadium Harry overheard the Minster talking loudly to the Bulgarian Minster. He swallowed back laughter at Fudge's dismal attempts at communication. Talking louder and louder was no way to communicate efficiently.

He waved at the minister, "_Hello Mr. Minister, how are you sir?"_

The Bulgarian Minster blinked in surprise at hearing the boy-who-lived speaking in his native language. "_I was unaware that you knew the civilized tongue Mr. Potter, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." _

Fudge lit up like a Christmas tree. "Mr. Potter you can communicate with the good minster?" reaching over Fudge hurriedly pulled Harry over to his side.

Grinning Harry set about introducing himself, and gaining his first foreign ally. The Bulgarian Minster and Harry had a grand old time poking fun at the Fudge Administration.

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After a night spent breaking the hopes and dreams of the goblins Luna happily skipped through the camp grounds back to her lair—

"Oh, [BLEEP] it's a Lovegood!"

"Run for your lives!"

"Every man for themselves!"

Luna frowned that wasn't _very_ nice. Those masked men had left before she could ask them if they wanted to look for nargles with her, and they'd left their poor playmates floating in the air. And just when the older lady was beginning to let out screams of excitement too.

Well phooey it looked like it would be up to her to show those naughty boys that one didn't leave playmates screaming in the air after one finished playing. Luna helpfully lowered the nice muggle family to the ground and then skedaddled away humming a cheerful song, with a twinkle in her eye, a hop in her step, and a song in her liver.

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"Arthur! Oh thank goodness, thank goodness you're safe!" Molly Weasley exclaimed as she came running towards them in her bedroom slippers, hurling herself into her husband's arms. "I was so worried!"

In her right hand she brandished a copy of the Daily Prophet, which featured an article on the front page that covered the Death Eater attack at the Quidditch World Cup.

"We're fine Molly," Mr. Weasley smiled tiredly; we weren't even at the camp ground when the attack happened.

"Yeah mum, we were scouring the woods for Harry," the twins declared gleefully, eager to redirect their mother's overwhelming affection, as she wrapped them in a back breaking hug weeping at the thought that the last thing she'd said to them before they'd left was a reprimand on their behavior.

"Some foreigners kidnapped him!" Fred added on delighted at the very thought that their fellow Griffindor's antics had already brought him international attention, and from veela of all people!

Mrs. Weasley turned on the spot and launched herself at Harry. "Are you _alright_, dear?" she asked, closely inspecting Harry, as if certain that she'd spot a grievous hereto unknown injury.

Harry smiled weakly. "I'm alright Mrs. Weasley, really I'm fine."

He hadn't really been kidnapped but after the amazing Quidditch match he'd need to blow off steam and he'd just happened to meet up with some … of his summer _study_ buddies. He'd been in the middle of showing them how much he'd progressed since he'd last seen them when the clearing they had been _practicing _in had been invaded by a redheaded avalanche.

At the time Harry had been a bit miffed at the interruption but now face with the Weasley inquisition he regretted sneaking off just a bit, a very _tiny _bit, Brigitte had been very enthusiastic at his progress after all. Maybe he'd schedule a trip to France the next summer.

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SCENES OF TERROR AT THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP!

_Ministry blunders… culprits not apprehended… lax security… Dark wizards running unchecked… national disgrace… _

Luna chuckled as she read Rita Skeeter's article, the tone of her pet reporter's article was setting the foundation for her plot— that is to say it was merely a prelude to her eventual rise to power muwahahahaha.

_If the terrified wizards and witches who waited breathlessly for news at the edge of the wood expected reassurance from the Ministry of Magic, they were sadly disappointed. A Ministry official emerged sometime after the appearance of the Dark Mark alleging that nobody had been hurt, but refusing to give any more information. Whether this statement will be enough to quash the rumors that several bodies were removed from the woods an hour later, remains to be seen. _

Luna clapped her hands together gleefully. The bodies removed the previous night had nothing to do with the poorly mannered Death munchers but rather Luna's fun with the goblins. Poor dears just weren't prepared to negotiate with a Lovegood. Out of the nearly two dozen goblins gathered to attempt to tempt her to invest in their fledgling businesses only the leader had managed to regain his senses before she'd skipped merrily out of the clearing.

She'd only bought into one company but it seemed like the CEO of the company a certain Steelhook Gobs had a great business plan. He'd create some sort of muggle machine that ran on electikity called Macaroni. The company called Apple was poised to conquer the muggle techno sphere. Luna rubbed her hands together cheerfully; world domination was so close she could—

Faceless Minion 104-Beta rushed into the throne room and opened his mouth to speak but before he could utter a sound a hand streaked out of the shadows and clamped on top of his mouth. "Shhh, don't disturb Glorious Leader while she's in her happy place!"

Faceless Minion 104-Beta gulped as Luna's posture registered for the first time. Crookshanks firmly ensconced in her lap, a _DC Joker Villainously trademarked grin_ plastered on her face, a twinkle in her eye that proclaimed that she was visualizing her budding empire and of course the evil laughter that leaked out of her mouth as she daydreamed.

He shuddered, the last Faceless Minion who had disturbed the Glorious Leader had been reduced too…Red shirt level one, poor Jim barely out of the academy already one of the most expendable members of the Organization. Slowly Faceless Minion 104-Beta inched his way out of the room, his report wasn't _really _that urgent. Surely Pluto would still be there when Glorious Leader woke up, what's the worst that could happen if the super-awesome-mega-epic shrink ray was left on overnight?

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"Wha—? Where am I?" Lucius Malfoy asked groggily, he'd been enjoying a nice bottle of Chateau Margaux, in his heavily warded safe house where he hid all his muggle toys from his friend when

"Mr. Malfoy." A calm toneless voice stated. "Do you know why you are here?"

"Luna? Is that you?" Lucius asked confused. "Did you need something? Is Xeno—"

"Uncle!" Luna whined. "I'm trying to interrogate you!"

"Sorry pumpkin." Lucius said trying to placate his odd niece.

Related thought the Malfoy and Lovegood families might be, the Malfoys had not inherited any of the… oddness… that made the Lovegoods who they were and as such Lucius did his utmost to stay on his niece's good side. Bellatrix had made the mistake of insulting Luna's imaginary friend once and now she and her entire branch of the family was entertaining the Demetors in Azkaban.

"Is this about the muggle family at the Quidditch cup?" he asked.

"Why, Uncle Lucy? Why'd you leave them up in the air when you finished playing? Didn't momma teach you better?" Luna asked solemnly, back when her momma had been alive she'd always stressed the importance of being orderly, everything in its proper place and keeping her cousins the Malfoys in line.

Why momma thought Cousin Malfoy needed to toe a line every so often Luna would never know but momma said so, so it was important to remind her cousins every once in a while to toe a line. Maybe she'd been too lax in her duty if Cousin Lucy had started to leave his playmates in lurches like the previous night.

Lucius gulped with Cousin Selene gone he'd hoped to be able to continue his muggle baiting ways but it appeared that the Lovegood traits were still alive and well in his niece Luna. He quickly pulled out the old standby.

"It wasn't my fault Luna!" he exclaimed. "My friends _made_ me do it! They said everyone was doing it. I'm sorry I won't do it again"

Sighing sadly Luna shook her head, "if all your friends bought stocks in Enron would you do it too?"

Lucius gulped. As much as he hated that nickname he wasn't about to attempt to correct a Lovegood, not even his young niece Luna. "Um… why not pumpkin? Isn't Enron the next big thing?"

Luna exhaled heavily; it appeared that she had been unforgivably lax in taking care of her cousins if he thought Enron was a good investment, next he'd be saying Bernie Madoff was a great guy to have managing his muggle money.

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_**RANDOM ONE-SHOT… NO REAL PURPOSE JUST RANDOM **_

"Harry Potter! I chose you!" _Pika, Pika!_

Looking around Harry's head swiveled back and forth trying to find the source of the shout. Then he spotted a short blonde Ravenclaw girl standing proudly on top of her house's table.

She was dressed in blue jeans, with a blue and white jumper, on top of her head was a red and white baseball cap with a green check mark on it and perched on her shoulder was a giant yellow mouse that looked like it had been thunderstruck.

As his eyes locked on her a ball divided in white and red halves hit him on the head.

Harry sighed. "Wrong franchise Luna!"

Tilting her head cutely to the side, Luna asked, "Believe the heart of the card?"

"Still the wrong franchise Luna!"

Pouting slightly Luna nodded, and then stated confidently, "Use the Force Luke!"

Groaning Harry shook his head and gave up trying. "Execute order 66. Once more the Sith will rule the Galaxy!"

XXX00000XXX

A/N Chateau Margaux is what came up when I googled 'most expensive wine' lol

Enron and Bernie Madoff are dated references but the Harry Potter time line is based in the 90s.


	6. Chapter 6 First Month Back At Hogwarts

Chapter 6: First Month Back At Hogwarts

Sorry for the slow updates, I'm spending the summer at my parent's home in the middle of nowhere with no internet connection.

000XXXXX000

Luna sat with her fingers steepled, shadows hiding the top of her face.

Looking at the reports sitting on her desk she frowned, some nameless faceless minion had shrunk Pluto. She'd liked Pluto. Pluto had been awesome. Now the muggles were say Pluto didn't qualify for planet status.

Well she'd see about that, she had a ten step plan for taking over the world and returning Pluto to its rightful place in the universe.

Step 1: recruit _the brain_ A.K.A. the Granger

Step 2: give her books

Step 3: while she's distracted get her to make _the plot_

Step 4: seduce Harry…

Steps: 5-9 …. Do stuff.

Step: 10 Pluto restored to planet status

Granted the plan was still a work in progress, but she thought the outline was brilliant as it was, and her minions assured her that the plan was pure gold.

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Marietta Edgecomb hurried down the corridor her face locked in a visage of pure terror. Listening closely she could make out the faint chanting that the shadowy figures were producing as they followed her relentlessly.

_One of us, one of us… _

They had finally managed to corner the slippery Raven in an old section of the castle after a prolonged and merry chase, who'd have thought that out of the four houses their glorious leader's home would be the hardest to convert?

The Badgers were once again united under one banner, after a lengthy hostile takeover, the Slytherins had caved easily once Luna had taken a personal hand in the matter, and there were already several members of the Lions within the organization, but the Ravens were proving to be stubborn.

Apparently long exposure to the Lovegood charms had made them wary of their Glorious leader's plans.

"Join us, Marietta! Feel the power of the dark stuff!"

Marietta shook her head frantically as she huddled against the wall, "You're Hufflepuffs! You're not supposed to have secret cults!"

The robed figures surrounded the shivering Raven, "Join us, Marietta, join us, you're already one of us."

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Luna was in the midst of her daily six o'clock world domination plotting session when a faceless minion rushed in.

Faceless Minion Apple-Juice-Beta-64 threw himself onto his knees as soon as he entered the room. Interrupted the Divine Mistress was the easiest way to end up on a trip to _Norway_, "Glorious Leader I bring big new!"

Luna slowly turned her head from her current master plot and faced her newest minion. Giving him _the Look. _

Faceless Minion Apple-Juice-Beta-64 gulped, before gathering his courage and divulging his message, "Mad-eye is an imposter with an unhealthy obsession with our Supreme Leader!"

Just then Senior Faceless Minion Olive Juice rushed in blowing the door nearly off their hinges. "Glorious Leader! Mad-Eye Mood just entered Harry Potter into the Tri-Wizard Tournament!"

This statement finally drew Luna's full attention from her plotting. "Henchman Kreacher dispose of the imposter and explain to Uncle Moody how much it irks me that he let himself replace." Luna instructed the eager house-elf.

Ginny who had been reading up on the Tri-Wizard Tournament's history shot to her feet, "Luna! Wait!"

"Hmm?" Luna questioned her best Agent sunnily, postponing the Imposter's execution for the moment.

Wiping a bit of drool that had gathered at the corner of her mouth, Ginny gleefully showed Luna the results of her research.

Seeing what had excited her best agent, Luna found herself also having to wipe drool from the corners of her mouth. Showcased prominently in the book were snapshots of the three tasks through the ages. Drawing their collective attentions specifically were the glorious Technicolor renditions of the second task which was traditionally a water based event in which the incredibly fit wizards and witches wore skimpy outfits.

"Henchman Kreacher make sure our Supreme Leader makes it into the tournament." Luna stated absentmindedly, while perusing the historical textbook for more… _information_.

XXXXXXXXXXX

As Harry walked down the corridor, he grinned at the cute Hufflepuffs that seemed to be following him around. Watching them giggle and blush, at such a simple action, made him feel like anything was possible.

Shaking his head, he rushed to class – after everything that had happened that summer he found himself constantly distracted by women, wondering if they were as… knowledgeable with foreign tongues as his new friends were.

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"Operation Lightning Rod is a success." Hannah reported happily, marking it off on her To-Do-List. Susan and Hannah had been tasked with following Harry around the school to make sure he didn't associate with… undesirable elements like the Gobstones Association.

Hannah shuddered, unable to believe there were still people around who were crazy enough to play such a gruesome game.

If the Glorious Leader, the Her Supreme Eminence Luna _RIDICULUSLY-LONG-WIZADRLY-MIDDLE-NAME _Lovegood had not enlightened her as to the true purpose behind the seemingly innocent game, Hannah shuddered once again; she might have been one of those seduced by the dark side of the Gobs.

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Hermione Granger was suspicious. She'd watched as her best friend had changed before her very eyes from a crippling shy introvert into an outgoing, gregarious and friendly individual.

As happy as she was for her friend a few of his recently acquired mannerisms were a bit worrying. His new habit of chasing anything with a skirt was not at all like her well-mannered friend of yesteryear.

She was bound and determined to investigate the causes for her friend's sudden behavioral shift.

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LUNA RIDICULOUSLY-LONG-_WIZARDLY-_MIDDLE-NAME LOVEGOOD! WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A SECRET CABAL YOU'VE FORMED—"

Ignoring Hermione's tirade and demands for answers, Luna calmly opened her knapsack and pulled out a carefully wrapped package. She interrupted Hermione's interrogation by tossing the package into her arms.

"Wha—?"

"It's all explained there," Luna said absently before going back to her intense inspection of the Quibbler issue she'd received that morning, there was something not quite right about it.

It appeared that some nefarious individual had changed the font from Lucida Calligraphy to Lucida Handwriting. She'd have to pay the goblins a visit soon, it was one thing to infiltrate the government and attempt to take it over but no one, absolutely no one at all messed with her font choices and was allowed to live.

Frowning Hermione gingerly opened the package… and her jaw dropped! There in her hands was a first edition chronicle of Gilgamesh's exploits by his personal court wizard; she'd thought they'd all been destroyed!

Shuddering in ecstasy Hermione inspected the cover of the book, after sniffing the spine of the tome like one would a high quality cigar, she carefully opened it. She held in her hands the holy grail of ancient Mesopotamian knowledge.

Glancing up from her completed inspection of the Quibbler, Luna asked her, "All good?"

"Huh?"

Luna nodded another vic— client hooked. Now if only Hedwig was as easy to bribe.

Of late the regal post owl had been questioning Luna's arrangements; she was proving to be difficult to sway, even bacon had not been enough to garner her complete loyalty.

Truly a consummate professional nothing would sway her loyalty from her human; recently Hedwig had begun dropping hints about shadowy puppet governments to her human in the form of Quibbler articles.

If only she wasn't such a valuable asset Luna would have already … persuaded her to see her side of things.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hermione?" Harry asked worriedly.

When he hadn't seen his best friend in class, he'd assumed the worst and gone to the Hospital Wing to find out what was wrong with her but to his surprise Madam Pomfrey hadn't seen her either.

He'd finally tracked Hermione down to an abandoned classroom, and found her hunched in a corner absorbed in a dusty book.

"Wah?" was the garbled reply.

Now Harry found himself even more worried. He'd thought he'd managed to hide all the rare books this year. It had taken a two week quarantine to break her from her addiction the last time she'd gotten her mitts on a rare book.

"Hermione _Jane_ **Granger**! Look at me!" Harry demanded in a stern voice. "What did we say to do if someone offered you a book shaped package?"

Looking up with a slightly guilty expression on her face, Hermione tried to explain. "But Harry a first edition!"

"Hermione." Harry repeated sternly.

Pouting Hermione, replied, "Say no."

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A/N Gobstones is a the wizarding version of marbles.

Originally this chapter was going to include the first task and the goblet of fire but then I realized that I'd already gone a month without updating so I decided to post as is, the next update will not take as long I promise…


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